Why People Think It’s Okay To Judge: Listen To Yoda, You Should.
Let’s have a chat about immigrants, people judging them and Yoda. Okay, we won’t actually talk about Yoda – he’s just going to be there.
What triggered this topic are all the discussions, fights, status updates, pictures and judgemental attitudes all over the place. And by “the place” I mean everywhere – it doesn’t seem possible anymore to open Facebook, Twitter or any website without witnessing at least one of the above related to people leaving their countries.
Let me start with why I left mine.
- Good education instead of a joke where you learn nothing and people ridiculous enough to like 50 Shades of Grey have the same grades as you.
- Endless opportunities instead of mafia composed of fat, bold, neckless excuses for human beings.
- Ambitious people around me, instead of people trembling from fear that their next pay check may be delayed.
- A GOOD PLACE TO LIVE.
Those were my reasons.
What I keep witnessing (mostly online) is that people taking part in these conversations are divided into 4 groups.
- The Extreme Ones: those who left their country and are damn proud of it – to their last breath they’ll claim it was the best decision they ever made.
- The Desperate Ones: those who left their country but want everyone to know it was only because they had no future there. Because the situation is just so bad. They are very active, mostly adding status updates to showcase how much they do for their country from a distance, even though they forget what they even wrote with the closing of their laptops.
- The Pseudo-Patriots: those who are still there and are self-proclaimed patriots, because nowadays being a patriot apparently means simply living in your own country. They also enter in a lot of discussions about the horrible losers who left their country instead of staying there to fight and make it a better place.
4. The Rational Ones: people like me and those around me. We left our countries, relatives and friends behind knowing that something better must be out there. We love our countries so much, but we don’t feel challenged there. We feel like we can do more, be more and achieve more in a different place. And it’s true, because we have and we do every day. I, for instance, feel much better around different cultures and people who push me to talk to them in their own language. We also vote from abroad, try to convince people in our own countries that they should, but rarely do they understand why someone who left is trying to make them do the right thing. We cry for the bad things that happen and smile at the good ones. We help people in need, we donate money to causes, fight alongside charities, try to convince people to do the same. And yes – we do it from abroad. We also go home pretty often. I know I go home every few months because I can’t stand not seeing everyone. We spend our money at home. Thankfully, everyone nowadays is just a plane ride away.
So let’s think about why people feel they have the right to judge those who decide to leave for one reason or another.
Firstly, you are there and you do nothing. Yes, you heard me – if you spend your time writing comments under news articles, blog posts and Facebook statuses asserting your patriotism and the betrayal of those who left, then you are a complete douchebag. Because who are you to judge? 95% of the people who do that are poor excuses for human beings who do nothing but complain all day about not being able to leave like we did. About the unfairness of the terminal cancer called potilics in Bulgaria. About your salary being too low. And about life in general.
How do I know that? Trust me, I do. Because I’ve talked to you about it without you even noticing. I’m a part of so many causes and charities and I constantly try to woo people to help me out and did you once do that? No. Did you ever try and start something beneficial to Bulgaria? Any sort of initiative? Probably not. I know people who did and I can count them on the fingers of my left hand. Did you ever get into politics to try and change some of the things you complain about all day long? No, because “everything in politics is the same and I will just get sucked up and become corrupt as well”. Jee, you’ve got your bag of excuses and you carry it around with you all day long, don’t you?
I saw a Facebook conversation the other day where Bulgarians were arguing about this very thing. (It happens more often than it should.) The first 3 groups were present as always and I was just watching and performing facepalms on myself for about 30 minutes until I gave up and went back to Hannibal. But anyway, it was both hilarious and extremely sad, because every single person was trying to prove to the rest that he’s feeling great, living life under the palm trees, sipping cocktails all day long with his gorgeous happy family laughing at his jokes and braiding his hair.
In reality, these people have regular jobs, regular expenses, problems, challenges and sufferings like everyone else living a regular life. But they are provoked every day by the Pseudo-Patriots, who need to see someone else is miserable in order to feel good about themselves at least for 10 minutes. You know, as one of the Rational Ones (the only clever one it seems) said:
Hate is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
And I couldn’t agree more. I know better than to wonder why people can’t just look at their own lives and not at everyone else’s, so I won’t waste my time doing that. It’s genetic or something – we need to see how others are doing, we are often jealous, we hate others for being successful if we’re not and in the end we resent ourselves for feeling this in the first place. What I do know though is that it’s all a choice – I am surrounded by successful people and I prefer it to being with people who’ve achieved nothing. They don’t make me feel bad about myself, they inspire me and motivate me to be even better and to strive for success. I want to have everything in life and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Spending my time feeling jealous of people’s success would mean 2 things:
- That I have way too much free time (which I don’t)
- That instead of learning from them, I waste my time and their knowledge, not realizing there’s so much I can gain.
Ever since I left to pursue a master’s degree in Denmark, I’ve heard it all. From the “you’re a traitor” to “good for you, I’m planning to leave too, there’s no life here” even to “how do you manage there, speaking a different language all the time, must be tiring, I could never do it!”. And especially “I can’t imagine raising my children in another country!”. Sure you can, but I bet it feels better not being able to admit it. Makes you feel better about yourself, Pseudo-Patriot.
Because every Bulgarian has thought about it at least once. I mean, if you have a plan to care about your kids’ future at least a tiiiiny little bit, then the thought of leaving has crossed your mind. Before I came here I was determined to go back after I finish my degree. Now I’m not so sure where I’ll end up, but I know one thing – the decision to have a family one day goes hand in hand with finding the right place to live. And for me the most important thing will be for my family (and myself) to be safe and happy. Whether you want to leave or stay is entirely up to you, as it is to me, but I don’t judge. I have so many plans and I never want to stop hoping and fighting to make my country a better place, but I know it won’t happen for me or my children. So, if laying your accusations and opinions on me makes you feel better about yourself, then go ahead, I don’t mind that much, but it does get exhausting sometimes to think of/deal with you. There’s just too many like you nowadays – do you have to be one too?
While you’re spending your energy on hating, we’re living our lives. Yes, some might be struggling, doing jobs they don’t feel happy about doing, not sleeping enough, not being able to afford many things, but that’s their own business and even though I believe in freedom of speech, I don’t believe in freedom of dumbassery (I’ve taken on the habit of creating new words, don’t think you’re special). I heard about one of my ex-colleagues from my bachelor in Bulgaria saying she doesn’t want to come to Denmark because I’m here. About another one saying I must be cleaning houses and washing dishes because that’s how everyone who leaves earns their money (seriously?). Oh, and there’s the one saying mummy and daddy still support me because I can’t afford anything by myself. Well.. I don’t particularly like saying things like that… but while you were talking about this, I visited 4 new countries, made some new friends, started learning a new language, aced my exams, started helping my best friend to open her own salon and continued doing what I love. And I don’t plan on stopping! Huh, that actually felt good. Maybe you should hate on me some more!
My point was that I have many plans and dreams about the future, as do most of the people who leave. Well, some of them just want regular, normal, safe lives, which is also perfectly okay. We’re all different and I don’t ever remember (apart from now) spending my precious minutes talking about you and how you’ve barely been able to find a job after you graduated or how your grammar has deteriorated even more over the past few years. I don’t judge you because I couldn’t care less about you. So why do you care about me and all of us?
Well, I’m guessing it’s because all people in the world living under a rainbow with birds dressing them and butterflies hovering over their heads as they drink from silver cups and have a touch that turns everything to gold would be too boring, right? (For the especially dumb ones – it was a metaphor. Means things can’t be perfect. DUUUH). Yeah, that must be it. Peace, love and happiness & all that. I’d love to see it even for a day 😀
If you managed to read this – congratulations! Your English just got better, as you probably learned a few new words. But probably not. Hey, hating on people is easier than I thought… and fun! So that’s why you do it!